It’s often said that we can all only be as accomplished as the people we surround ourselves with, so choosing who we allow into our inner circle is a vitally important decision. It’s also no small task — nobody wants to be hurt, of course. But the company you keep has also been shown to have an impact on your success in everything from hobbies to your career.
Instagram mindset gurus @mindset.unchained recently posted some great advice on how to manage this and make sure that your nearest and dearest are people who will build you up rather than drag you down.
Here are 6 types of people you should always be wary of trusting:
1. People who disguise insults as jokes
We’ve all known — or even been — this type of person at one time or another, the kind whose jokes all of sudden start to seem weirdly personal, if not outright mean.
Psychologists say this kind of passive-aggressive behavior, sometimes called “negging” or backhanded compliments, can even become bullying and abuse — they’re among narcissists’ favorite tools, for example.
2. People who refuse to take accountability but readily blame you
This is also known as “blame-shifting,” and is also sometimes a form of abuse. Even if it doesn’t rise to that level, though, it’s at best unkind and shows a lack of integrity.
Being willing to take ownership of your mistakes is a fundamental part of maturity, empathy, and good character. Passing the buck onto someone else? Not so much. Tread carefully.
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3. People who say they want the best for you, but then work against you
This of course can take many forms, including open sabotage. But more common — and just as insidious — are the more subtle types.
The parent who says they just want you to be happy but then criticizes what you want to do with your life. The friend who tells you your goals are ridiculous while claiming to also care deeply.
Sincerely caring and criticizing aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, of course. But for your own emotional well-being, you’ll want to be careful about how much you let someone like this in.
And because these comments center on a kernel of truth — whether an actual failing on your part or just an insecurity you have — they can create anxiety and self-doubt, which is often the commenter’s goal in the first place. Maintain firm boundaries with these people and don’t let them into your head.
4. People whose words and actions don’t match
Major red flag, obviously — and one that can wreak havoc on relationships of all kinds, from working dynamics to marriages.
But not everyone who exhibits this behavior is doing so nefariously — cognitive dissonance, the tension between two opposing ideas or behavior that doesn’t match values and beliefs, is a common part of the human condition.
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5. People who sow doubt under the guise of concern
Similar to #3, these are the people who subtly tear down your ideas, plans, or dreams by highlighting the negatives and potential pitfalls because they think they’re helping by doing so.
But the people you trust most should build you up — and be able to raise concerns without denigrating your entire plan or desire. If you have a person in your life who can’t strike this balance, it may not be a good idea to let them in on your most deeply held dreams.
6. People who sabotage you, then make excuses
Similar to the blame-shifters but worse, these manipulative types are just plain old bad to have around you.
The bottom line when dealing with these people is to trust your gut. If their excuses and stories aren’t adding up and it seems more likely they’re undermining you, they probably are. Better to keep a suspicious eye on them than continue giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Common doesn’t mean healthy, however, so when a person’s actions and words don’t align, you’ll want to be cautious about how deep you let your relationship with them go.
