Before meeting my partner, I read The 5 Love Languages to prepare myself for a long-lasting relationship. I wanted to know what I needed to be a fully committed and self-aware partner.
When I do get married, I want it to last ’til death does us part. Unfortunately, some marriages begin as fairy dust and end as a hot mess.
Do you fear that your marriage is falling apart and that you and your significant other could be headed toward a separation?
Divorce lawyer Bruce Provda, Esq, and Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist Olga Bloch, share signs that you’re headed for divorce.
7 Tell-Tale Signs Your Marriage Is Falling Apart
1. You’re dreaming of a single life.
We all look at our partner sometimes, and think, “I could be at a club right now.” That’s especially the case if he has his hands down his pants — beer gut overflowing.
But there’s a difference between reminiscing about the single life and “daydreaming about how much better life might be if divorce happened,” Provda said. “Longing for life away from the spouse is a sure sign that marriage therapy is needed before it’s too late,” he added.
If this sounds like you, book an appointment!
2. The bad times outweigh the good.
When clients ask me for advice on their troubled relationship, I often ask, “Do you recall more bad memories than happy memories?” If the answer is yes, you’re in danger.
Provda agrees, stating that, “every marriage has its problems, but if the negative outweighs the positive, the marriage is in trouble.” You shouldn’t look back at your relationship and think, “Crap! I can’t remember ever being happy!”
3. Conflicts never get resolved.
If you’re a couple that never argues, consider yourself blessed — or suppressed. It’s actually healthy to fight once in a while.
Trouble comes in when “fights are repetitive and both people feel hopeless and that nothing ever changes,” Bloch explained. “If there is rarely a reparation process, an apology, or a way to reconnect with the other partner, or hurt feelings are not acknowledged or addressed, you might be headed for divorce,” she added.
4. You don’t talk to your partner.
Your significant other should be the person that you confide in and with whom you share your deepest desires. Bloch also suggested talking about more than just “the daily business of what is happening in the home, or kids, or responsibilities.”
Share your feelings so your love doesn’t die.
5. You dismiss your partner’s feelings.
The worst thing you can do is treat your partner like his feelings do not matter. Even if you don’t agree with him, acknowledge his feelings, and hear him out.
“If you are finding yourself being overly defensive and dismissive of your spouse’s feelings, then you are at high risk for divorce,” Prodva affirmed. “It is the kiss of death for a marriage.”
6. You’re working on your relationship — solo.
It takes two to tango, baby, so why are you the only one on the dance floor? When a marriage is in trouble both you and your partner need to roll up your sleeves and work through your issues.
“If one spouse shuts down altogether and is no longer interested in solving the marriage issues, watch out. Divorce is around the corner,” Provda said.
7. You can’t be yourself.
If you can’t be yourself with your partner, why be with him at all? It’s just exhausting to pretend to be someone you’re not.
Bloch explained that it’s worse when “you feel like you can’t be yourself out of fear of upsetting your partner or starting another fight.” That’s when you change to make the other person happy. Ultimately, you’ll be miserable — and no fairy dust can fix it.